TransformYourLife

I am beautiful I am worthy I deserve to find love I am wonderful I deserve prosperity I deserve financial success The above are positive affirmations.Saying these to ourselves is supposed to better our lives,bring about prosperity ,abundance and love .However, a lot of times people repeat these to themselves and despite that they feel flawed and horrible from within.Instead of manifesting and harvesting prosperity and abundance, they attract lack and negativity. They ask themselves why? The answer is that affirmations don’t , in themselves, work unless our core truly believes we are worthy.If we were to give an angry and grouchy child sweets and toys to play with to appease it but never give it any love, the child would feel neglected and unloved.Even if somebody came along and tries to hug or comfort such a child,   the child would be wary of their love and intentions and pull away from because love feels unfamiliar. However, if we spent time comfortin...

Co-dependence is a dis-ease in which individuals build a fantasy of a knight in shining armour or beautiful damsel rescuing them from their childhood woes and miseries. These individuals usually come from abusive families wherein they were shamed into believing they are less than adequate by their parents when they neglected them or abandoned them.They do not believe they are “ enough” in themselves and often look for someone rescue them. They exchange favors, money, their kindness, their body and their time to feel crumbs of connection oftentimes with toxic individuals who also take advantage of them. They are empathetic and giving and often taken advantage of by narcissists and toxic people.Despite ,misery, they stick around in horrible relationships . Oftentimes, they build a fantasy around a person they like and want or expect them to be a specific way and love them in a way they were not loved in childhood.When the mask falls and the person turns out to be otherwi...

Consider the following example about a spiritual healer cum kundalini yoga teacher who has started her full time business of training people in yoga recently.In a week she got two new enrollments .To get new enrollments, she invites friends ,family and acquaintances to a free session followed by coffee and cookies from her. At the end of the session , the crowd thanks her and then begins to   disperse.Neither her friends nor new prospects say much about whether they liked the session.She then goes upto one of her friends and asks her how she liked the session to which her friend responds that it was nice but doesn’t appreciate her beyond that. She goes home and thinks about why it is that she is feeling horrible now despite having met so many people over a nice coffee evening. She then realizes that, couched in her need for appreciation , there was a need to win approval from others.Due to this need,others felt “pulled at” and distanced themselves from her instead of...

“Guilt says I made a mistake Shame says I’m a mistake” Toxic Shame is a neurotic, irrational feeling of worthlessness, humiliation, self- loathing and paralyzing feeling that has been inflicted onto an individual through repeated, traumatic experiences often, but not always, rooted in childhood.It is mainly created by primary caregivers consciously or unconsciously shaming the child into believing he/she is worthless. Toxic shame is carries well into adulthood and impacts work, career,friendships,relationships and success.It never allows you  feeling fulfilled and whole.Its not right, you’re a mistake,something is wrong.Toxic shame feels hopeless like there is no way back. To heal from toxic shame, one must come out of hiding. This involves pain and risk, but it’s the only solution that has hope of healing. We cannot heal our internalized shame until we externalize it,until we expose out true self and our feelings. John Bradshaw, who did the seminal work on healing to...

The first meeting Fleeting glances Smiles and laughter Diner dates Walks on the beach Commitment Moving in together Disagreements Non-matching intimacy requirements Fights Explosive fights Quest for peace Breakup Zen meditation class Temporary peace Same patterns in next relationship(s) This is how relationships typically pan out and thereafter one wonders why each of my relationships followed the same course-same type of partner, same reasons for incompatibility ,same kinds of endings. The answer to this lies in wiring in childhood. In our development phases as children, we observe our immediate caregivers and our parents marriage is the first model for what a marriage looks like. What also matters is the quality of our relationship with opposite sex parent-it models our subsequent interactions with members of the opposite sex. If our opposite sex parent was abusive, we wow to ourselves never to be with someone like that. However, if we look back at our relat...

Gymming Eating right Getting enough sleep Investing in self- improvement Meeting new people Trying new activities Reading Traveling Spending time with friends Spending an evening with spouse/partner The above mentioned activities are supposed to be good activities and should fill us with happiness.However, we notice that even though we do these activities we do not feel happy from within. We then question what it is that is missing-why is it that these activities are not making us feel fulfilled and why does the inner emptiness still exist.Why is it that despite having good friends and a partner we are feeling unloved? The answer to these questions is that we feel empty and unfulfilled despite participating in multiple activities and having the love of friends and partner because we have been abandoning ourselves. What is self- abandonment? Self -abandonment is not taking adequate care of the emotional needs of core self.This leads ...

One of the wonders of the human mind is its ability constantly to improve its bank of knowledge: to update and correct its errors; in other words, to over-write the disc. The many wonders that we embody is the complex behavior and to solve the undesirable questions we get in our hearts by improving the banks of knowledge we have update them correct them in other words we can re evaluate the principle but there is an exception to it and one cognitive field and our chances of happiness and emotional knowledge. It is during the time we are very small children, between our first day and around our eighth year, that the disc is encoded. Periods of self evaluation , questioning of values of trust , whether we like ourselves, whether we can be open, where blame belongs, what to do when the world hurts us, how much we can tell others of what distresses us, what degree of directness can be tolerated; and how much of our naughtiness and excitement can be witnessed and forgiven. Unfort...