The curse of co-dependence -a primer

Co-dependence is a dis-ease in which individuals build a fantasy of a knight in shining armour or beautiful damsel rescuing them from their childhood woes and miseries.

These individuals usually come from abusive families wherein they were shamed into believing they are less than adequate by their parents when they neglected them or abandoned them.They do not believe they are “ enough” in themselves and often look for someone rescue them.

They exchange favors, money, their kindness, their body and their time to feel crumbs of connection oftentimes with toxic individuals who also take advantage of them.

They are empathetic and giving and often taken advantage of by narcissists and toxic people.Despite ,misery, they stick around in horrible relationships .

Oftentimes, they build a fantasy around a person they like and want or expect them to be a specific way and love them in a way they were not loved in childhood.When the mask falls and the person turns out to be otherwise, they go into shock and mild depression and exhibit all symptoms of a withdrawing addict.

They might self- medicate with addictions like food,sex,porn,excessive work or find someone new to play out this fantasy again.

The same pattern repeats in all their relationships unless they heal.

Healing entails enhancing self- awareness and esteem ,smashing rose colored glasses, being comfortable in own presence, enjoying loneliness,seeing people for who they are, setting boundaries against over-giving.They also need to stop throwing themselves at people trying to get love from them and then controlling love should the love be slipping away.They will have to active practice self care which will stop self -abandonment and bring about change in their patterns.