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Why we repeat same patterns in all relationships


  • The first meeting
  • Fleeting glances
  • Smiles and laughter
  • Diner dates
  • Walks on the beach
  • Commitment
  • Moving in together
  • Disagreements
  • Non-matching intimacy requirements
  • Fights
  • Explosive fights
  • Quest for peace
  • Breakup
  • Zen meditation class
  • Temporary peace

Same patterns in next relationship(s)

This is how relationships typically pan out and thereafter one wonders why each of my relationships followed the same course-same type of partner, same reasons for incompatibility ,same kinds of endings.

The answer to this lies in wiring in childhood. In our development phases as children, we observe our immediate caregivers and our parents marriage is the first model for what a marriage looks like. What also matters is the quality of our relationship with opposite sex parent-it models our subsequent interactions with members of the opposite sex.

If our opposite sex parent was abusive, we wow to ourselves never to be with someone like that. However, if we look back at our relationships,we realize that we had picked up someone who seemed completely different from our hated opposite sex parent but , once the mask fell, turned out to be exactly like that.

Why did we pick someone like that even though we were consciously seeking someone who was the polar opposite?During childhood, the traumatic experiences make us hardwired to seek them again because they seem familiar.We hence subconsciously relate to partners who help us recreate the trauma.

In order to heal this pattern, one must revisit emotional wounds of past, do inner child work,set boundaries and reprogram the subconscious to make healthier choices.

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