TransformYourLife

The first meeting Fleeting glances Smiles and laughter Diner dates Walks on the beach Commitment Moving in together Disagreements Non-matching intimacy requirements Fights Explosive fights Quest for peace Breakup Zen meditation class Temporary peace Same patterns in next relationship(s) This is how relationships typically pan out and thereafter one wonders why each of my relationships followed the same course-same type of partner, same reasons for incompatibility ,same kinds of endings. The answer to this lies in wiring in childhood. In our development phases as children, we observe our immediate caregivers and our parents marriage is the first model for what a marriage looks like. What also matters is the quality of our relationship with opposite sex parent-it models our subsequent interactions with members of the opposite sex. If our opposite sex parent was abusive, we wow to ourselves never to be with someone like that. However, if we look back at our relat...

Gymming Eating right Getting enough sleep Investing in self- improvement Meeting new people Trying new activities Reading Traveling Spending time with friends Spending an evening with spouse/partner The above mentioned activities are supposed to be good activities and should fill us with happiness.However, we notice that even though we do these activities we do not feel happy from within. We then question what it is that is missing-why is it that these activities are not making us feel fulfilled and why does the inner emptiness still exist.Why is it that despite having good friends and a partner we are feeling unloved? The answer to these questions is that we feel empty and unfulfilled despite participating in multiple activities and having the love of friends and partner because we have been abandoning ourselves. What is self- abandonment? Self -abandonment is not taking adequate care of the emotional needs of core self.This leads ...

One of the wonders of the human mind is its ability constantly to improve its bank of knowledge: to update and correct its errors; in other words, to over-write the disc. The many wonders that we embody is the complex behavior and to solve the undesirable questions we get in our hearts by improving the banks of knowledge we have update them correct them in other words we can re evaluate the principle but there is an exception to it and one cognitive field and our chances of happiness and emotional knowledge. It is during the time we are very small children, between our first day and around our eighth year, that the disc is encoded. Periods of self evaluation , questioning of values of trust , whether we like ourselves, whether we can be open, where blame belongs, what to do when the world hurts us, how much we can tell others of what distresses us, what degree of directness can be tolerated; and how much of our naughtiness and excitement can be witnessed and forgiven. Unfort...

Excessive drinking Porn addiction Sex addiction Over-eating Excessive exercising Workaholism/over achievement  till the point of dropping with exhaustion The above are some of the examples of overdoing some of the activities that people do.Everyone overeats or excessively works sometimes but constantly engaging in these excesses is detrimental to the body.It results in overweight,no time for self and breaking down from exhaustion.Furthermore, if a person has a porn or sex addiction it can lead to the demise of relationship with partner and also lead to fear or inability to feel intimacy. It is hence necessary to check and see where these excesses stem from , what our body and subconscious is trying to tell us via them and what we can do to heal. Let us divide the excesses into two categories 1.Addictions-Food and alcohol,porn, sex 2.Subtle "addictions" -Workaholism, over exercise Before we proceed a notch higher, we must understand that all our actions, ...

As adults we have multiple relationships with people around us-friendships, relationships at work,those with clients and bosses, family and of course romantic relationships.Each relationship encompasses a particular dynamic and one realizes as one looks at these that they all follow a pattern.When it comes to romantic relationships, most people’s relationships follow a pattern-duration,choice of mate, reasons for breakup and so on.One might then wonder why is it that these patterns arise and are constantly repeated.At times these patterns are also hurtful as one chooses toxic mates . The answer lies in relationship dynamic that parents had and what the child treated as a takeaway from that.Let us understand this with the help of two examples. Judy is a 26 year old female who works as a receptionist at a dentist’s office.She had an alcoholic father who raged and a subservient mother who over-gave to prevent his rages.She became quiet and needless.All her life judy felt unloved and...

In many challenges – personal and professional – we are held back by the crippling thought that people like us could not not possibly triumph given what we know of ourselves: how reliably stupid, anxious, gauche, crude, vulgar and dull we really are. We leave the possibility of success to others, because we don’t seem to ourselves to be anything like the sort of people we see lauded around us. Faced with responsibility or prestige, we quickly become convinced that we are simply impostors, like an actor in the role of a pilot, wearing the uniform and making sunny cabin announcements while incapable of even starting the engines. It can feel easier simply not to try. The root cause of the impostor syndrome is a hugely unhelpful picture of what other people are really like. We feel like impostors not because we are uniquely flawed, but because we fail to imagine how deeply flawed everyone else must necessarily also be beneath a more or less polished surface. The impostor syndrome has...

It’s natural to imagine that the highest virtue in love would be kindness and, a close second, politeness. But there is an odd danger lurking here: a relationship where we are overly polite, where there is not enough directness, where things go wrong not because of a lack of tenderness or serenity but because of a stifling excess of manners, because there aren’t enough raised voices, insults, legitimate furies and moments where both partners feel free to call each other idiots and much worse. When we hear arguments between lovers, perhaps through a hotel bedroom wall, it is easy to fear for them and their union. But there is, within reason, something extremely vital and redemptive that can unfold within the occasional heated discussion. Living around someone is bound to be, at points, extremely disappointing. For love to remain vital, we need the freedom to give this disappointment expression. It seems we cannot love if love is all we are allowed to do. Many of us have implici...