Signs your shit is broken

Loneliness:

• You sleep all day and stay up all night
• You spend most of the time alone
• You avoid the company of people
• You have no actual,reliable friends

Accountability and commitment:

• You avoid taking responsibility for your actions
• You have emotional pain from the past that you’ve not fixed
• You use numbing tactics like alcohol, drugs and porn to deflect the past pain
• You do not like to make commitments to yourself or others because they require follow through
• You do not like accountability
• You avoid those who challenge you or insist you change for better
• You get triggered and howl if your comfort zone changes even slightly
• You have difficulty following through
• You do not like your life or schedule getting disrupted and at the same time wonder why you’ve stayed stuck and small
• You make grand plans for work in your mind but your follow through is inconsistent and less than 5% 

 Commitment to self :

• You only eat two pieces of toast and some jam all day and tons of junk food on other days
• Your health is in bad shape and you do not care enough to fix it
• You do not exercise or leave it in 1-2 days of starting
• You suffer from insomnia and nightmares
• You feel weak and depressed
• Escapism:
• You feel unloveable and yet crave to be loved
• You act selfishly most of the time and yet have a people pleasing persona sometimes
• You concoct bullshit stories and blame others for things going wrong in your mind
• You avoid confrontation and conflict at all costs
• You feel like a living corpse on some days
• You like to escape in surreal things like fantasy movies, video games and mindless chatter
• You have a social media addiction

Relationships:

• Your parents/partner have almost given up on you
• Your past relationships have mostly been emotionless flings which have not been fulfilling
• You seek variety of people for ego boost and to feel needed but cannot handle actual closeness of friendship/love
• You push people away when they come too close and are about to see the real you and then wonder why this always happens and why everyone leaves you
• You detest parts of yourself ( both physical and emotional) but take no concrete action to change
• You have been unable to break past patterns over more than 5 years

Ego:

• Your self-esteem is broken to pieces
• You assert control over emotional aspects of your life to feel less insecure
• Your ego has become like a bottomless pit-it needs to be fed regularly for you to feel sane but it can never be fed sufficiently

Effects of shit being broken in important aspects of life

• Career growth-Stagnated or growing at snail’s pace.Your manager thinks you’re a racoon and can be discounted.Your ambitions have been clouded by dirt.
• Interpersonal relationships-Non existent or those with people equally messed up.
• Romantic relationships-Non-existent or short term with partners equally messed up.Sometimes its just sex with a low quality individual to feel closeness and being needed in measured spoonfulls followed by complete blacking out.
• Health and fitness-Suffers big time
• Addictions-Social media, porn and drugs have taken precedence.
• Overall effect-You are living like a disembodied spirit in a live human body.You have lost your ability to feel, perceive,give, share or love.You have contemplated suicide as well.

Can it be fixed?

Yes

Will it be easy?

No

Is it your fault that you’re in this situation?

When people are in extreme pain they do what it takes to numb that pain and don’t quite understand that the effects of not fixing it can have long term disastrous consequences eroding all aspects of their life.

So , its not really your “fault” because you were ignorant and did not realize importance of fixing yourself.

Have no guilt at not having done anything to fix yourself .

At the same time have a reality check about whether you want to change now that you know you can be happier after changes.

What would it take?

• Willingness to change
• Desire for true emotional closeness with others
• Being completely honest with yourself
• Deep realization that I was not born to live like a corpse
• Realization that my own bullshit is preventing me from living a fulfilled life
• Ownership of the event or pain which triggered this
• Commitment to self to fix the pain and dislodge it (therapist recommended)
• Tiny , consistent steps of follow through
• Investing time in meaningful, growth oriented activities
• Working on self love
• Allowing those you trust close to you
• Staying consistent and on track
• Rewarding yourself for each tiny milestone you cross.