TransformYourLife

As adults we have multiple relationships with people around us-friendships, relationships at work,those with clients and bosses, family and of course romantic relationships.Each relationship encompasses a particular dynamic and one realizes as one looks at these that they all follow a pattern.When it comes to romantic relationships, most people’s relationships follow a pattern-duration,choice of mate, reasons for breakup and so on.One might then wonder why is it that these patterns arise and are constantly repeated.At times these patterns are also hurtful as one chooses toxic mates . The answer lies in relationship dynamic that parents had and what the child treated as a takeaway from that.Let us understand this with the help of two examples. Judy is a 26 year old female who works as a receptionist at a dentist’s office.She had an alcoholic father who raged and a subservient mother who over-gave to prevent his rages.She became quiet and needless.All her life judy felt unloved and...

In many challenges – personal and professional – we are held back by the crippling thought that people like us could not not possibly triumph given what we know of ourselves: how reliably stupid, anxious, gauche, crude, vulgar and dull we really are. We leave the possibility of success to others, because we don’t seem to ourselves to be anything like the sort of people we see lauded around us. Faced with responsibility or prestige, we quickly become convinced that we are simply impostors, like an actor in the role of a pilot, wearing the uniform and making sunny cabin announcements while incapable of even starting the engines. It can feel easier simply not to try. The root cause of the impostor syndrome is a hugely unhelpful picture of what other people are really like. We feel like impostors not because we are uniquely flawed, but because we fail to imagine how deeply flawed everyone else must necessarily also be beneath a more or less polished surface. The impostor syndrome has...

Fear of engulfment is the fear of getting controlled by partner or losing yourself in the relationship.It is a very strong fear of being swallowed by the partner and makes one run for the hills.The individual with this fear hence completely avoids relationships sometimes or is unable to sustain them and runs each time things begin to heat up. This fear is actually a fear of rejection .Due to this fear the individual gives too much in the early phases of the relationship so that they can please their partner and to ensure their partner likes them.They take responsibility for their partners feelings and want to make sure the partner stays happy and does not reject them.But this too much giving from the fear of rejection makes them feel trapped. The solution to this is to develop stronger boundaries, not take rejection personally and religiously practice inner bonding to develop a very strong sense of adult self. Let us see examples in of a person named Raymond who is 44 ...

“You do something wonderful,and chase it all away Mixing my emotions throws me back again Hanging on the wire,I’m waiting for the change I’m cruising through the fire,just to catch a flame And feel again”                                                                -Paul Weller in ‘You do something to me’ Take a hypothetical situation where a man gets into a new relationship with a girl he very much likes. Everything is amazing-she is faithful and devoted and the relationship is progressing at a decent pace It reaches a stage where he comes  very close to the girl emotionally and his past fears come back. Imagine a 7 year old  child whose house caught fire, he got burnt badly, rescued by fire fighters and hospitalized for a month .When he returns home to the now re-modeled house ,he is afraid of anything ...

Loneliness: You sleep all day and stay up all night You spend most of the time alone You avoid the company of people You have no actual,reliable friends Accountability and commitment: You avoid taking responsibility for your actions You have emotional pain from the past that you’ve not fixed You use numbing tactics like alcohol, drugs and porn to deflect the past pain You do not like to make commitments to yourself or others because they require follow through You do not like accountability You avoid those who challenge you or insist you change for better You get triggered and howl if your comfort zone changes even slightly You have difficulty following through You do not like your life or schedule getting disrupted and at the same time wonder why you’ve stayed stuck and small You make grand plans for work in your mind but your follow through is inconsistent and less than 5%    Commitment to self : You only eat two...