TransformYourLife

·          A Harvard degree ·          A Benz  ·          A house in the Bahamas and a condo in the city ·          Spiritually conscious ·          A 7 figure salary ·          A warped sense of humor ·          A man who never litters ·          A man who is emotionally fluid ·          A man who appreciates art and literature ·          A man who can cook ·          A man who loves pets The above were some of the qualities and pre-requisites that a 28 year old uber successful woman had for her ideal mate.She would not ...

·          The desperate pursuer ·          The commitment phobe ·          The codependent ·          The distancer ·          The manipulative love demander ·          The emotionally shut off sex addict ·          The grandiose lover chasing only models These are some of the avatars people we meet seem to be adorning when we meet them .The distancer is usually chased by the pursuer and the commitment phobe is never able to emotionally commit despite wanting intimacy. Why do people have such disparate behaviours in the love realm when love is just a four letter word?Why does the pursuer desperately and anxiously pursue unavailable people?Why must the distancer run from intimacy?Why can ...

The first meeting Fleeting glances Smiles and laughter Diner dates Walks on the beach Commitment Moving in together Disagreements Non-matching intimacy requirements Fights Explosive fights Quest for peace Breakup Zen meditation class Temporary peace Same patterns in next relationship(s) This is how relationships typically pan out and thereafter one wonders why each of my relationships followed the same course-same type of partner, same reasons for incompatibility ,same kinds of endings. The answer to this lies in wiring in childhood. In our development phases as children, we observe our immediate caregivers and our parents marriage is the first model for what a marriage looks like. What also matters is the quality of our relationship with opposite sex parent-it models our subsequent interactions with members of the opposite sex. If our opposite sex parent was abusive, we wow to ourselves never to be with someone like that. However, if we look back at our relat...

It’s natural to imagine that the highest virtue in love would be kindness and, a close second, politeness. But there is an odd danger lurking here: a relationship where we are overly polite, where there is not enough directness, where things go wrong not because of a lack of tenderness or serenity but because of a stifling excess of manners, because there aren’t enough raised voices, insults, legitimate furies and moments where both partners feel free to call each other idiots and much worse. When we hear arguments between lovers, perhaps through a hotel bedroom wall, it is easy to fear for them and their union. But there is, within reason, something extremely vital and redemptive that can unfold within the occasional heated discussion. Living around someone is bound to be, at points, extremely disappointing. For love to remain vital, we need the freedom to give this disappointment expression. It seems we cannot love if love is all we are allowed to do. Many of us have implici...

“You do something wonderful,and chase it all away Mixing my emotions throws me back again Hanging on the wire,I’m waiting for the change I’m cruising through the fire,just to catch a flame And feel again”                                                                -Paul Weller in ‘You do something to me’ Take a hypothetical situation where a man gets into a new relationship with a girl he very much likes. Everything is amazing-she is faithful and devoted and the relationship is progressing at a decent pace It reaches a stage where he comes  very close to the girl emotionally and his past fears come back. Imagine a 7 year old  child whose house caught fire, he got burnt badly, rescued by fire fighters and hospitalized for a month .When he returns home to the now re-modeled house ,he is afraid of anything ...