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  Characteristics of   trauma bonded relationships:
  • A constant pattern of non-performance — your partner promises you things, but keeps behaving to the contrary.
  • Others are disturbed by something that is said or done to you in your relationship, but you brush it off.
  • You feel stuck in the relationship because you see no way out.
  • You keep having the same fights with your partner that go round in circles with no real winner.
  • You're punished or given the silent treatment by your partner when you say or do something "wrong."
  • You feel unable to detach from your relationship even though you don't truly trust or even like the person you're in it with.
  • When you try and leave, you are plagued by such longing to get back with your partner you feel it might destroy you
      

Key reasons for staying in trauma bonded relationships:
Addictive quality
It's a bit like becoming addicted to a drug. A psychologically abusive relationship is a rollercoaster, with punishment and then intermittent reinforcement of kindness when you "behave." This means the body is going through its own turmoil, with high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, paired with dopamine when given affection as a reward.

The way out:
  • Understanding that cycles of push pull, reward and withdrawal are addictive yet harmful
  • Elevating self worth-knowing you’re worthy and deserve better
  • Seeking support of friends and family
  • Finding yourself outside of the relationship
  • Embracing aloneness
  • Raising standards and setting boundaries


 

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