TransformYourLife

          My mother is a narcissist          My father is alcoholic abusive          My parents fucked up my entire childhood by fighting all the time           My sister is an emotional vampire           My mother-in-law is trying to run our lives           My brother and his wife are invasive The above points are some of the common complaints by people who are appalled at their family and resent/hate them for the misery their parents caused them during childhood. They blame all current life problems on inner emotional wounds created during childhood.Some people are so mad at their parents and siblings that they consider cutting all ties.Others tolerate/put up with their behaviors out of the need to be polite but are resentful of the spewing toxicity nevertheless. What then must one do-cut all ties or stay in touch? The answer is not straightforward. If the family members are toxic beyond measure-violent,rage filled and can get physically abus

A person’s character, relationship style and behavior in interpersonal associations is a cumulative of behaviors learnt while adapting to family of origin. Hence, when someone says “This is how I am”, they are usually unaware of the fact that “how they are” is nothing but a bunch of their defenses and behaviors learnt during childhood which were useful in navigating/surviving/adapting to the family of origin. If you observe the above line carefully, you will realize that I’ve used the word “survive” and “adapt” thus implying that the behaviors were situational and are extending into present time.The behaviors were needed and required to protect our core self/survive /lessen the inner pain in childhood.They merely solidified into adult relationship style and character as time passed.Many of these behaviors serve no purpose in adulthood and create pain and misery.They can be shed and character can be reshaped. Let us understand how with the help of a short story. This is

·          The desperate pursuer ·          The commitment phobe ·          The codependent ·          The distancer ·          The manipulative love demander ·          The emotionally shut off sex addict ·          The grandiose lover chasing only models These are some of the avatars people we meet seem to be adorning when we meet them .The distancer is usually chased by the pursuer and the commitment phobe is never able to emotionally commit despite wanting intimacy. Why do people have such disparate behaviours in the love realm when love is just a four letter word?Why does the pursuer desperately and anxiously pursue unavailable people?Why must the distancer run from intimacy?Why can some people never commit despite seeking love and nurturance? A large part of the answers to these questions will get answered in the following piece on attachment theory. Attachment theory implies that our blueprint for all adult attachment-including that to friends,colle