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Toxic shame- caused and healing

What is toxic shame
It is deep-rooted shame which has festered like a wound-it has gotten rotten|pus has spread|is a part of your being|is harmful|results in self-loathing

Causes of toxic shame
  • Shame based families
  • Traumatic childhood experiences
  • Adulthood trauma, especially loss or abandonment
  • Horrible relationship and the indulgence in dark or numbing behaviours to deflect its pain
  • Guilt and shame from dark behaviours
  • You have toxic shame buried within if you
  • Indulge in self destructive behaviours
  • Negative self talk|Compare and Despair
  • Hiding from –fear of judgement| Concealing things as you fear being mistreated if you reveal
  • Lying-not saying how you feel|seeking approval via lying|people pleasing
  • Loneliness-push people away|End friendships and relationships
  • Wonder-if people will leave you if they see the real you
  • Fear –of emotional intimacy
  • If you feel continuous self loathing and self-doubt
  • If you feel like a bottomless pit and fill it with distracting and numbing activities including addictions



Healing Toxic Shame
Part A –Going back to the issues which caused it*
Core trauma experiences
  • Possible childhood causes
  • Shaming by parents and teachers
  • Sexual or emotional abuse
  • Dominating or emotionally absent parents
  • Possible adulthood events
  • Toxic relationship
  • Horrible breakup post which one indulged in dark and numbing behaviours
  • Repeated such indulgences till shame became toxic and festered

Healing
  • Acknowledging the shame causing event
  • Reliving those memories
  • Accepting what happened
  • Acknowledging that your core is not at shame and you can drop that appendage
  • Dissociating from guilt and shame
  • Releasing locked emotions-feeling|raging|crying|yelling
  • Practicing empathy and compassion for self
  • Filling cracks shame left with adequate self love and self care
  • Healing inner child

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